A few years ago, late in the evening, my phone rang. It was one of my close friends calling. Normally, they rarely phoned me at such a late hour; we usually just texted. When I picked up, I immediately sensed the worry in their voice. “Is something bad happening?” I asked, feeling a jolt of concern. They replied, “No, but I’m really afraid of failing.” They went on to explain how a new department was being formed at their company, presenting an important opportunity for them. Their voice was trembling, as if they both really wanted it and were thinking, “But what if I embarrass myself?” That was the moment I realized that even the most capable people can carry deep-seated fears inside.
I’ve known my friend for years: energetic, hardworking, and someone who always seems to find solutions. Yet, when the possibility of “failure” popped into their mind, I saw how it slowed them down and made them uneasy. After that phone call, I often asked, “How are you feeling now?” and they would tell me. They had all sorts of excuses—on one hand saying, “I can’t let this chance slip by,” and on the other, “Maybe I shouldn’t disrupt my life’s routine.” At the same time, there was a stage fright–like feeling: “What if I can’t adapt to the new team and they look down on me?” I want to share this story because many of us have experienced these same anxieties, and possibly missed out on valuable opportunities because of them.
The Question Behind “What If I Fail?”
My friend’s story, in truth, is everyone’s story. Trying something new—such as taking a big leadership role, switching jobs, starting a new training program, or even doing a simple presentation—can feel huge and daunting. That’s often because one thought lingers in the back of our minds: “But what if it goes wrong?” Sometimes, childhood lessons about “Don’t mess up or you’ll look ridiculous” stay with us. Other times, it’s the pressure of all the success stories around us that leads to fear of failure. This fear can be especially intense if it competes with our inner drive and talents.
Even though the opportunity was knocking, my friend was questioning why they felt so fearful: “My current job isn’t bad. But this new one is a better position for growing my skills. And yet, no matter how prepared I am, what if I fail and ruin my reputation?” They were stuck wrestling with whether fear of failure would stop them or move them forward.
The Enemy Side of Fear
The enemy aspect of a fear of failure can often push us toward not even starting. Early on in our phone calls, my friend would say, “I’m pretty comfortable now—why shake things up?” or “Is it really worth the risk if I’m happy enough where I am?” Time after time, the phrase “What if I embarrass myself?” kept coming up. This is the most common face of the fear: the idea that putting yourself out there, only to fail, is worse than never trying at all. If this feeling had won out, my friend might have stayed in the same position for years, never discovering their true potential.
The Friend Side of Fear
On the other hand, there’s a friend side to this fear as well. I started talking to my friend more frequently; they began researching exactly what was expected in the new department. During our calls, they’d say, “Wow, I’ve realized how many gaps in my knowledge I have. Now I’m signing up for a few courses to improve myself.” They also gradually started meeting with future teammates to find out who’d be responsible for what, and what challenges might arise. At first, they kept thinking, “What if no one takes my ideas seriously?” but soon after, it turned into “If I prepare well, I’ll stand out.” In that sense, fear became a motivating force that pushed them to work more systematically.
One day on the phone, they said, “I’m putting together a presentation for the new department. I’m super excited, but I keep telling myself, ‘If this matters so much, I really need to prepare thoroughly.’” And that statement—“What if I fail?”—actually means “This matters a lot to me.” After all, we’re not as scared of failing at things we don’t care about. So fear can also be interpreted as “Approach this task seriously, give it your best,” transforming into a supportive ally.
Presentation Day: Fear at Its Peak
When presentation day arrived, my friend’s voice still trembled. “I’ve been working on this for months—what if it all goes to waste?” they said. I asked, “How do you feel right now?” They responded, “It’s like I have butterflies in my stomach, but it shows me just how much this means to me.” I pointed out, “That means this moment is critical.” And indeed, dealing with fear often comes down to listening to its signals, telling yourself, “This is important. So be prepared, be cautious, but don’t freeze up.”
Later, after the presentation, I got a totally different kind of phone call. My friend told me, “Sure, there were things I could improve, and some criticisms here and there, but the managers were really positive overall.” And in that moment of happiness, they said: “Thank goodness I didn’t let this chance slip by!” Even though the shadow of failure loomed, they poured all their energy into preparing, and ultimately stepped into a new phase of their career.
Ways to Make Peace with Fear
Making peace with fear often starts by tackling it in small steps. If you look at a big responsibility and feel overwhelmed, try dividing it into manageable pieces. Next, get consistent feedback from those who can offer constructive criticism. Changing your mindset to “Let them point out my weaknesses now so I won’t stumble mid-presentation” can turn fear into a strength. Sometimes, the best solution is to write down the “worst-case scenario” and see how exaggerated it really is. Finally, listen to your inner voice and remember that “If this scares me so much, it must mean it’s important,” turning that fear into a kind of fuel.
Friend or Foe?
My friend’s story proved something clear, fear of failure can be both our enemy and our ally. If it causes us to freeze up, it shadows our potential. But if we interpret it as “This is a reminder to be focused, committed, and diligent,” then fear can actually become a driving force. My friend’s leap toward a new department is a prime example of that.
In the Next Post
This is the third post in our personal growth series. Previously, we discussed “Why Personal Growth Matters” and “Self-Awareness: The First Step to Growth.” Now we’ve seen how fear of failure can either hold us back or help us unlock our potential. In our next post, titled “Building Resilience: Bouncing Back Stronger,” we’ll talk about how to stand up again after we’ve stumbled or failed to meet our goals. Remember, if you let fear rule you, it can keep you stuck. But if you choose to learn from it, you might just experience your greatest leap forward.